Thanks to LoriAnne...

I'm sure you'll agree with me that LoriAnne is another incredible woman! She is actually my best friend! We met years ago while our husbands were still in college. We had our first two babies at the same time - those kids are all friends. This week I've learned lots from LoriAnne. Hopefully you have, too.

Here's what I learned:
Just like me, she doesn't have as much time to devote to reading as she'd like to have, she enjoys her adult son as much as I enjoy mine, working outside of the home is something that is rewarding, rely on your calendar to keep yourself organized, make sure your kids like what they are doing - and maybe let them do just one or two things instead of everything, if you want to write - write something that you feel passionate about, friendships are essential for a woman's well being, use whatever makeup you feel comfortable with, learn to enjoy the way you look.

Thanks so much, Lori, for letting us into your very busy and full life. It's been a pleasure for our readers to get to know you.

If you have any questions for LoriAnne, please email me at kara.incrediblewomen (at) gmail.com and I'll forward them to Lori. We'll be announcing the winner of Lori's homemade salsa and pear jam on Sunday!

Stay tuned for another Incredible Woman next week!

Incredible Woman #3 - LoriAnne Spear. Friday's questions

Kara: "Tell us about your beauty routine. What do you consistently do to keep looking young? Give us some advice and tips."

LoriAnne: "I don’t think I look younger than I am anymore. I used to, but oh well. I don’t really have a beauty routine. I wash, moisturize, and put on make-up, although I am a big fan of facials, just not paying for them. I’m not married to just one product line. I like some Mary Kay products, some Clinique, some L’Oreal, and some Maybelline and Cover Girl. One thing I have learned is to be more accepting of what I really have. For years, I’ve straightened and then recurled my hair on big Velcro rollers. But recently I’ve been more willing to just let my hair be itself – kinda curly. It’s not the beautiful spiral curl like my little sister has, that I wish I had. But it is what it is. And so instead of always blow drying, flat ironing, teasing up the crown, and spraying it in place, now I often just wash and let it do its thing, with a little help from product and my fingers. It does save me time. It’s not glamorous, or even that attractive, but it’s okay, and it’s mine. I inherited it from my dad, and he from my grandma, who got it from her dad. So I’ve just decided to embrace the curl, it’s part of who I am. Besides, my grandma warns me that I could be like her and wish I had the curl back when my hair goes gray. Learn to enjoy and make the most of what you have while you still have it."

Incredible Woman #3 - LoriAnne Spear. Thurday's questions

Kara: "I know you’d love to be a published author. How are you going about
achieving that? Talk about some of the books you are working on right now."

LoriAnne: "I do like to write, and I have been working on a book for a couple of years (working is a relative term though) and almost wish I’d never mentioned it, just in case I never finish it. When I’m writing, I feel very much myself; not a mom, a wife, a daughter, employee. Just me. I can write for long, long periods of time, but not often enough. Sometimes, I can’t get one page done. But I like my characters, and the storyline, and if it ever gets to the point where I let anyone read it, I’ll let you know. Sometimes, I just like to write about something that I feel passion for. For instance, here is something I wrote about one of my favorite places. There is no prescribed form, I just started to write as if I was explaining why this place is important to me: Anyone who knows me has heard me talk about “the cabin.” Our family cabin (it’s really my Grandma’s) is named Moss Haven, there is even a sign right next to the front door, and it has been in the family since 1955. It’s very small, and has running water in the kitchen sink, but didn’t have electricity until I was a teenager. I had my first birthday there, and my grandma used to take me and my younger brother and sister up there with her when we were little kids, and we’d spend a lot of each summer up there. To me, there is something peaceful and calming about being there. The air feels different, my senses have memorized the color of the sky, the rustle of the aspen leaves, the smell of the wood burning cookstove as my grandma would start a fire each morning, the warmth of the sun on my face as I sit on the porch in the morning still in my pajamas. It’s where I learned to dip my bacon in maple syrup, drink all my milk, play UNO and Old Maid and old board games like Aggravation and Chinese Checkers. It’s where I learned to build a fire in the stove, chop wood, make sure the kindling bucket was full, wash dishes by hand, and hang the rugs over the clothesline and beat them until they were less dusty. I got used to using an outhouse, even though it was always scary to go out there at night. My dad and uncle hung a swing for us out in the aspen trees behind the cabin – it’s so much more fun to swing from a tree than from a swing
set! We’d beg my aunt or my grandma to take us on yet another motorcycle ride for the umpteenth time (it was really a small motorbike). After several rides, my grandma would suggest we take a walk instead, and while walking taught us the names of the wild flowers, and which bird was singing. We used to walk down to the river to watch my dad and grandpa fish, or walk to the beaver pond to see if we could be quiet and spy a beaver swimming near his lodge. When we didn’t see it, for some reason we thought we could persuade it to come out by dropping the quiet act and instead tossing rocks into the pond. During long cabin afternoons I also learned what going visiting was all about. For a child it’s where you go for a long walk to go call on other cabin neighbors in the middle of the afternoon, for no other reason than just to say hello. And if you’re a child, you sit still and listen as the adults talk, and you eat the cookie they offer you, even if it has raisins in it. It was always more fun if they let us go up to their loft and play and look around. When cabin neighbors would come to visit us, the dog’s bark would alert us, and we’d tidy up quickly, put the games away and sit out on the porch with all the adults for awhile until we were excused to go play. I never remember doing this kind of thing in my suburban neighborhoods. I learned that cabin neighbors are very close, even if the cabins themselves are far apart. At night, there was a coziness in the cabin that can’t be found in a suburban house. Each night after we got washed up in the wash bowl with water warmed on the stove and then in our pajamas, my dad or grandpa would light and hang the propane lanterns from hooks in the ceiling. Then my sister and I would lie on the couch under the heavy old quilt, and my grandpa would sit in his chair by the door, and my grandma in her chair by the fireplace, (my brother would be too much of a busybody to lie still and listen) and we’d listen to the news, then old radio show Mystery Theater, along with the hiss and occasional pop from the lanterns. I’d sometimes get scared from the suspense of the storyline and the dramatic music, but often I’d fall asleep before the mystery was solved, later to be nudged awake, and I’d sleepily climb the stairs with a flashlight and go to the bed that I shared with my sister. Our cabin is one of my favorite places on earth. I missed it greatly when my family moved to Denver, but I used to come back and visit for a week or two each summer, and my grandma would even let me bring a friend, an absolute necessity as a teenager. Now my kids have been going up to the cabin all their lives, and it’s how they’ve gotten to know their great-grandma so well, and now I’m the one who tries to teach them what I learned up there. Our cabin is truly our “Moss Haven” and is a part of who we are."

A few pictures of good times at the cabin...

Kara: "You are still in touch with a bunch of friends from high school and college. Talk about the importance of friendship. Do you think friends are necessary for
women? What are some of the things friends can do together to stay close?"

LoriAnne: "I guess I do hang on to my friends, sometimes whether they want to or not. No, just kidding. But I was fortunate enough as a teenager to have an extraordinary group of kids in the Southglenn LDS Ward in Littleton, Colorado. It didn’t matter if you were school nerd goody-goodies like me and my friend Amy, or if you were a long-haired, rebel guitar player in a basement band. We were all part of the group, and we belonged to each other. We were very tight, and there was some dating amongst us, but that was mostly just for practice really. We got together every weekend night to have our “get-togethers.” This was started by my future husband Steve and his sister. We would play games, hang out, or watch a movie on that new thing called a VCR that Steve could bring home from his work at a video store in the mall. Still even while in the midst of high school, we knew and appreciated the special bond we had, and now that we all have families, we still know where all of us are, and we know about each other’s kids. Sometimes we talk often, sometimes just a couple times a year. But we will always be there for each other. As far as women and friendships go, I think they are essential for woman’s well being and sanity. A husband cannot handle all the venting or deep analysis of subtle innuendos and whether an implication was intended or not, that a woman needs a friend to muck through with her. Even little girls know this. I think one of the best books on the subject was written by two dear friends Ellen Goodman and Patricia O’Brien, called I Know Just What You Mean. I don’t know if it’s in print still, the copyright date is 2000. I got it off a used book table at a library. I’ve loved it and I wish I could buy one for all my girlfriends!"

Incredible Woman #3 - LoriAnne Spear. Wednesday's questions

Kara: "You work outside of the home. Can you tell us the pros and cons of having an
outside job?"

LoriAnne: "Working outside the home was something I never wanted to do. I was proud in some ways of my mom, for always having the wherewithal to do it, but she also liked being out in the world with other adults, and she was very good at what she did. It was fulfilling to her. She was an example of a strong and independent woman, but I didn’t want to work outside the home, I wanted to stay home and “play house” so to speak. But economies and circumstances overruled, and I found myself looking for a job in 2006. With three boys who would all be doing college and LDS missions simultaneously, it wasn’t possible to keep pretending the money would appear from thin air. So, fortunately, I was able to get a job in the department at BYU where many of my old professors still were. That helped a lot, made me feel at home. Since I’ve been working these past three years, there are some things I’ve discovered. I like being out there… I’m good at what I do, and I enjoy the challenge, and I like being able to contribute something to our income. Of course, the drawbacks are that I can’t just drop everything and go to lunch with a friend, but actually in the past couple years, many of my friends have found themselves also working outside the home. We are in the same boat, and that helps in a big way. Not like it was for my mom, when most moms stayed home and mine didn’t. I give myself permission to not be perfect in housekeeping and laundry (well, I guess I have to admit that I’d already done that before the job, but now I can do it legitimately). Still, I’ve had to learn to speak up to my boss and let them know when I need to leave early or come in late if one of the kids needs me to, and now I don’t have a problem with that. They are still more important than the job, any day, and I’ll leave it if they need me."

Kara: "Your kids do a lot of extracurricular activities. I’ve been impressed with how organized you are when it comes to juggling all of these things. Tell us about those activities and talk about ways to “keep up with your kids”."
LoriAnne: "It’s really just keeping one calendar with all the activities listed for everyone on it. I also tape up all the schedules we get from coaches or teachers on the inside of my pantry door. It also helps that my boys are able to drive themselves to their activities, or pick up their sister from hers. Before they could, I wasn’t working and I was a real taxi driver. I used to think that I wanted to provide them with every opportunity under the sun, just so they have the chance to explore it: voice, sports, piano, community theater, dance, gymnastics, scouts. It was too much, and they weren’t enjoying their own lives. They were stressed. Let them choose one or two things, just make sure they have true interest in it, and you can honestly afford it."

Incredible Woman #3 - LoriAnne Spear. Tuesday's questions

Kara: "Lori, I know education is very important to you. Can you tell us about your experience of going back to school to earn your degree when your kids were all older? Was that a hard decision to make? Talk about what you did to make that work.:

LoriAnne: "Going back to school was something I always wanted to do. I was one of those school nerd girls, who loved the first day of school, new pencils, new books, new teachers. I love to walk into a library and wish I could just inhale all the knowledge and stories in that place. When my husband called me from work one day eleven years ago and told me he was being transferred to an office in Utah County and that we should probably move there, the second thing out of his mouth was that now I could go back and finish my degree. After we were settled and the kids were in school, except for 3 year old Melia of course, I started looking into even seeing if it was possible – getting readmitted, the cost, what to do with Melia, all that seemed overwhelming, and I hadn’t even started thinking about papers and tests and stuff like that. But it was like eating an elephant, just start with one bite, just do one thing that moves you toward that goal. I called admissions and asked some questions, and before I knew it, an admission application and instructions arrived in the mail. So I just continued to take one step at a time. Get the ecclesiastical endorsement interview, look at what classes are offered, and before I knew it I was registered for an evening class. I started out small, just one religion class, I figured I hadn’t lost all knowledge in that area. I gained a little confidence with that first A, and I remembered how much I loved learning. The next semester was fall, but I didn’t want to leave Melia with sitters while I pursued this. So I applied to have her attend the preschool on campus, and she was accepted – and we both got to go to school. It was a great time for the two of us. I’d drop her off and go to two or three classes, then sometimes we’d go to the Courgareat for lunch, both of us with our backpacks on. Sometimes I’d see other students from my classes, and they were sometimes surprised that I had a kid. What was more surprising was when we’d see a student Melia would know, one of her student teachers, and they’d call out to her, and she’d call back in her little Minnie Mouse 4 year old voice “Hi Mr. Ben” or “Hi Miss Kim.” We’d have long walks back where I had to park the car, and she was always tired by the time we’d get home and take a nap (yay!). Then I could get a couple things done before the boys got home from school. During her kindergarten year, I couldn’t go to day classes; you can’t really do much when you have a kindergartener, so I just took one night class once a week that year. When she started 1st grade, and my oldest was 13, I figured I had a small window of time to hurry and finish while she was old enough for me to be gone, and my boys weren’t old enough to get into too much trouble, before they were teenagers. That was 2002, and I crammed as many credits into that Winter, Spring and Summer terms as I was
allowed to do, also doing a research internship that semester (thanks to Kara and her family for being my test subjects!). It was careful planning, but it was possible, but then I had to actually do all the work for that credit load. To that I must give credit to my husband. I was like a teenager in the house – I didn’t do the laundry, the grocery shopping, the dishes, hardly any cooking, never knew what the checking account balance was, didn’t worry about the monthly bills and budget. I rarely could help the kids with their homework. I went to school, came home, interacted a little bit with other family members, and then I studied and wrote many papers. Steve took on all of this, so I could finish. I will always be grateful to him for handling everything those crazy, stressful 8 months. I graduated on our 16th anniversary, and I feel like that was a gift he gave to me. I will always treasure the memories of those family members and friends, even Ellen who traveled from California, who supported me and believed in me, especially those times when I was so overwhelmed I wanted to give up. It was one of the hardest, but most rewarding things I’ve ever done, and I was so happy for myself that I finally did it."

Kara: "As a mom of both boys and girls, can you tell us which is easier to raise? Why?"
LoriAnne: "From my experience, boys are harder on your house and cars, girls are harder on your emotions and checking account!"

HEY EVERYONE - TODAY IS LORI'S BIRTHDAY!!! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORIANNE!

Incredible Woman #3 - LoriAnne Spear. Monday's questions

Kara: "This week we'll be featuring LoriAnne Spear - our 3rd Incredible Woman. LoriAnne, tell us a little bit about yourself. What are your hobbies, talents, beliefs, etc. Talk about what you do to have fun. What makes you happy? What makes you an “Incredible Woman”?"

LoriAnne: "I am 43, born in Salt Lake City, lived here until I was 10 and then moved to Littleton, Colorado. Came back to Utah to go to college, and have lived in Utah most my married life, here in Cedar Hills for 11 years. I have been married 23 years to Steve and we have four children, 3 boys and a girl. I work at BYU’s Linguistics Department as a secretary over the TA’s/RA’s, and payroll manager. I’ve been there 3 years. I love to read, but don’t have as much time as I’d like. My book group keeps me going though, in keeping that hobby alive. I enjoy gardening, both flower and vegetable, but hate weeding. I spend too much money on flowers, but I love the results. I enjoy crocheting and needlework, and my sweet, patient friend Ellen has introduced me to the world of quilting, and I am currently working on my first quilt, with lots of her help. I love to travel to places I’ve never been to before. Thanks to my husband’s job, all his travel and his frequent flier miles, I’ve been to places I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to see. I love getting together with other couples and having a cheap date night with a pot luck dinner and then games, or watching a video or college football game. The food is always so much more delicious and it’s free. No crowds, no waiting for a table, no smell of movie theater popcorn making me want to buy it!"

Kara: Tell me about your family. Describe your kids and tell me what you like to do with each one of them.

LoriAnne: Jeff (21), Riley (19), Tanner (18) and Melia (14). Jeff returned from his LDS mission in Calgary Spanish speaking in January. Riley is currently in the New Jersey (Spanish speaking) LDS mission, and Tanner is leaving for Brigham Young University on Aug. 23rd. We will just have one little birdie our nest. I can feel this new phase of life starting, whether I’m ready for it or not. I enjoy Jeff in a new way now – as an adult. He’s a young fledgling of an adult, and it’s sometimes enjoyable, but sometimes scary to watch him figure out how the adult world works. My advice is probably too much offered, but it’s most rewarding when he realizes something on his own, and just does it. I love that he worries about me now and then, and gives me spontaneous hugs much more than he did as a teenager. Riley is on his mission, and it’s that wonderful little stage where you get letters about how incredible the gospel and the atonement are, and how much he loves and appreciates us. He shares with us his frustrations and how he works through those. He is a sunshine-y guy, always has been and I miss him and his hugs and his laugh, but
wouldn’t want him anywhere else. Tanner is our comic relief man. He has a great love and ability in theater, and even as a little toddler sought out ways to make us laugh and get the spotlight on him. He has a hilarious sense of humor and irony. He is the hardest working student I’ve ever seen, and is looking forward to realizing his dream of attending BYU (I’m not being dramatic – it’s honestly been his fondest dream for most of his life) and he is a huge sports fan. He keeps us appraised on how many days and hours are left until the Cougars’ opening kickoff. Melia is always my babygirl, even if on the first day of school this year, she wouldn’t let me come out on the porch in my bathrobe to take her “first day of school” picture. I had to take it from inside the door as she stood trying to look uninterested on the porch. After all, her friends were waiting for her on the sidewalk! She is a walking paradox – a tough, sweaty, down in the dirt soccer player one day, and then a primping, coy little cheerleader the next."

Come back tomorrow to enjoy two more questions/answers about LoriAnne.

Coming Monday - Incredible Woman #3, LoriAnne Spear...

Visit us tomorrow, when we will begin our feature on Incredible Woman #3, LoriAnne Spear. Lori is the mom of 4 kids - ages 21, 19, 18, and 14. She is an aspiring author, a former PTA president, works at BYU's Linguistic Department, and has a Bachelor's degree that she got while her kids were all younger. Amazing!!! Come back and meet her - I can't wait to introduce you.