Incredible Woman #27 - DeNae Handy. Friday's Questions.

KARA: "I saw on your blog, that in May, you are speaking at the Casual Bloggers Conference in Utah. Is public speaking easy for you? Can you tell us what you are going to speak on?"

DeNae: "Yes, I've been a public speaker of sorts for many years, and I've always enjoyed it. If I'm speaking on a subject about which I feel passionately, then I could go on for hours. Really, I'm something of a menace with a microphone.

I've agreed to teach a class on Story Telling at the CBC. The idea is to help the non-professional writers out in blogland (of which I am one, by the way) to tell their stories in ways that capture readers' attention, to be concise without overlooking important details, and above all to TELL the story, not just write about it. In another hour of the conference there will be a panel discussion on finding your writer's "voice", but that will also be a big part of my class.

I can only teach what I know; I write almost exactly the way I speak. So I'll be offering tips on how to do that. The whole conference should be fun! I'm really looking forward to it."


KARA: "Share your beauty secrets with us. What do you do to stay healthy and happy?"


DeNae: "Have you seen my post called "Wax On, Wax Off"? If you did, you would be laughing at this question! I like to look nice, and I'm reasonably attractive in that it's been a while since my face has been used on a can of "Raid". But mostly I wear simple makeup, keep my hair cut nicely, and play up my one fabulous feature - my legs! (I know, what an obnoxious thing to say!)

Honestly, though, I have really come to believe that the best thing you can do to achieve a beautiful countenance is to live a life as devoid of hypocrisy as possible. I don't want to sound like a Lifetime Original Movie, but as I get older I find I see women who I know to be good, kind, and selfless as being some of the most beautiful in the world. It's kind of weird, really. I live in a city where women are so objectified, and here I am, finding the makeup-free face of the overweight crossing guard at the corner absolutely gorgeous.

And as for how to stay happy, well, if you figure that out, please call me first! Not really; I am actually a very happy person. And rather than supply you with some secret of the cosmos shared only with the graduate students of a Tibetan monk, I'll tell you something very practical about staying happy that has worked for me:

Let. Things. Go.

Eliminate drama from your life. Assume that people mean no harm, even when they're grumpy. Operate on the premise that everyone is just doing the best they can; that's almost always the case. And hope and pray that on hard days, the universe gives points just for showing up. Sometimes that's as good as it gets, and it has to be enough."

Well, it's been a great week here on Incredible Women. I'm so please that DeNae agreed to this interview. And I hope that all of you have enjoyed it as much as I have. Thanks, DeNae! I'll leave this interview up in its entirety throughout today and tomorrow, and then the blog will be UNDER CONSTRUCTION during Sunday - preparing to bring you another Incredible Woman. Oh, and WELCOME! to all of our new followers - I hope you'll find this blog an uplifting part of your day. :-)

Incredible Woman #27 - DeNae Handy. Thursday's Questions.

KARA: DeNae, tell us about your blog. You describe yourself as an essayist. How do you decide what to write about? What is your favorite blog post?"

DeNae: "I use the word "essayist" the way others use the words "bridge out ahead": It's intended as a warning. I write long posts (usually 1,200 - 1,500 words) and only recently began adding pictures. I write for people kind of like me, who enjoy hearing funny stories or observations about life, and who are fine with providing the mental illustrations themselves.

My love of humor writing came from Dave Barry. I still remember reading his work in the newspaper, and even as a teenager I was amazed that people actually got to write that way! For a living! It's not as though I don't take life seriously; I really do. I just like to think that a little laugh among friends once in a while is just what we need before we strap on our helmets and head back down into the mine.

Sometimes I write something that has been on my mind for a while. Other times I just tell a funny story about my life. And I always take advantage of any truly goofy mood I may find myself in, and write something that is just out there and silly. Almost without exception, those are my readers' favorite posts.

I've written more than 140 posts in the last year, so to choose a favorite is tough. But a couple of the funniest stories might be "The Cat's Out of the Bag(pipe)", "Falling for You", and "Driving Me Crazy". They're all true.

However, two posts I'm the most proud of, where I really felt my writing kind of bumped up a notch or two, are "Brownies, Ice Cream, and the Things That Bring us Together", and "The Wendy Bird". Pop over, and tell me what you think!"


KARA: "On your blog, it says… “...everything I write feels like a conversation, just between you and me. And it's so much fun when you talk back!” Do you enjoy comments from your readers? How do you deal with negative comments?"

DeNae: "I really do enjoy the comments, particularly since they help me gauge whether or not I've reached people. I started the blog to improve my writing, and without an editor or a proofreader, I kind of depend on feedback from my readers. They're always very kind, but I have learned to "read between the lines" to identify which posts resonated, which entertained, and which just took up seven minutes you otherwise would have spent scrubbing the tub. I hardly ever get negative comments; I don't think I'm controversial enough! I'm not particularly political, I've never been much of a ranter (in my writing; raising children is an entirely different matter), I take pains to tread lightly when dealing with sensitive subjects. Remember, I want my place to be safe and comfortable, and I can't do that if I'm ticking off everyone who drops by."

Tomorrow is our last day with DeNae - she'll talk to us about being a public speaker, and about her beauty secrets! Don't miss it!

Incredible Woman #27 - DeNae Handy. Wednesday's Questions.

KARA: "Everyone has trials – unfortunately, it’s part of life. What have you learned from the trials you’ve had throughout your life?"

DeNae: "I hate to put this out there, in case my karma just hasn't noticed yet, but I don't feel like I've had many "trials". We've had some scares - my little sister had cancer twice, my dad died recently - but not much beyond that. One thing we have dealt with is major moves. My husband went from being an accountant for the LDS church to being an FBI agent, and our whole world was turned upside down. Moving a family of six across the country, and then out of it completely, was difficult.

Probably the thing I've learned in difficult times is that how well you get through them often depends on how open you were to less-difficult experiences in the past. I consider myself a person of deep faith, and the development of faith requires rounding a lot of blind corners, and taking a lot of steps into unknown territory.

Being willing to do this, being open to whatever those experiences have to teach you, helps lay the groundwork for future challenges. I think that this is one of the hardest things to remember as a parent."

KARA: I agree with DeNae about how we deal with less-difficult experiences. Right before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my family went through a financial difficulty. I'm not sure that I would have dealt with the cancer issue as well as I did, if I wouldn't have had "practice" right before."

KARA: "Do you enjoy reading? If so, who is your favorite writer, and why?"

DeNae: "I read two kinds of books: Super-heady treatises on the scriptures, and junk. I won't tell you about the scripture writers. My favorite fiction writers are P.D. James, Martha Grimes, and Terry Pratchett. I'm not even offended that in P.D. James' last book, the flaky, do-nothing character was reading a Pratchett novel. I love well-written stories, interesting puzzles, and flights of imagination."

KARA: "A girl after my own heart - I love to read... almost anything!

I'm looking for an Incredible Woman to feature for next week - I'm a little bit behind in trying to set the blog up for next week because of some surgery I just had. So, I'm asking you incredible readers for nominations - women you think might say yes to a feature with just a small amount of time to get ready. If you know anyone, please email me at kara(dot)incrediblewomen(at)gmail(dot)com. I anxiously await your nominations!!!!

Tomorrow, we'll talk with DeNae about her blog, and about the comments she gets from readers. Can't wait!"

Incredible Woman #27 - DeNae Handy. Tuesday's Questions.

KARA: "If you could take a class to learn something new right now, what class would it be?"

DeNae: "A rabbi in our area has offered to teach Hebrew to anyone who wants to learn. I am SO there!"


KARA: "What makes you happy? What makes you laugh?"

DeNae: "Believe it or not, solitude is the key to my happiness, perhaps because it's such a rare thing around here! A few hours alone every now and then transform me. Well, that and the medication. I laugh at smart, clean, pure cleverness! I have been blessed with friends who come by it naturally, and in truckloads."

Tomorrow we'll talk about what Denae has learned from her trials, and she'll tell us about her favorite authors!

Incredible Woman #27 - DeNae Handy. Monday's Questions.

This week I'm featuring a very hilarious woman - I stumbled onto her blog the other day. It made me laugh. Out. Loud. I made me so happy, that I couldn't stop reading. I learned quite a bit about her from the blog. It's called "My Real Life Was Backordered". So, here she is... DeNae Handy. (don't forget that we'll be posting 2 questions/answers each day of this week, so come back often to learn about this fun woman).

KARA: "Introduce yourself to our readers – (hobbies, talents, likes, dislikes, etc.). What makes you an incredible woman?"

DeNae: "Well. I'm 45 years old, and I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm married to an FBI agent, and we've lived in Seattle, Washington; San Juan, Puerto Rico; and currently we reside in Las Vegas, Nevada. My hobbies tend to correlate with my talents: I love reading, so I do a lot of writing. I love music, so I teach and write music. I love learning, so I do a lot of teaching. (Any time you have to know something well enough to teach it to someone else, you learn a LOT about that thing!)

My likes and dislikes are so provincial I'm practically an honorary Philistine. Good food, prepared by someone else. Books that make me laugh and think, and which I can recommend to the folks at church without having to avoid eye-contact forever after. Lunch with friends. Staying up late, talking with my husband and dreaming about the 'empty nest'. Shopping with my sisters. A great classroom discussion about things that matter to people. That's my life; it's the air I breathe."


KARA: "Tell us about your family. Tell us one incredible thing about each member of your family. Are your kids as funny as you are?"

DeNae: "I have four kids. My oldest is 22, and served a mission for our church in South Korea for two years. He's smart and sensitive and looks like Michelangelo carved him out of marble. Although I do wish he would shave more regularly.

Next is my 19-year old daughter, who is a lot like me. Which means we do great as long as we aren't both in "Queen Bee" mode. She's musical and artistic, and is the most "in the moment" person I've ever known. We're different that way; sometimes it's aggravating, but in my more reflective moods I see how unique she is, how able she is to act on those divine impulses that we so often push aside almost reflexively.

Next is a 17-year old daughter, who five days after she was born nailed me with a look that was so old, so knowing, it completely freaked me out. Hormones and deep spiritual bonding should never be mixed. Like sheep and cows. She's also very bright, and in many ways was born 40.

Finally, my youngest is 14. It would be so easy to define him by his one difficulty, but he is so much more than that. He is incredibly smart, very sweet and loving, and probably the funniest and most "out of the box" thinker of the family. Does his having ADD contribute to that? Probably. The big challenge has been helping him succeed in quantifiable, tangible ways, without breaking that unique spirit. It's quite a dance."

See you tomorrow!